Plot is dead, Tom Cruise is just dancing on the grave
By Rachel Krueger
The theory that there are only X number of plots in the world has been blamed for everything from Avatar being basically Dances With Fern Gully to the complete works of Shakespeare. I’m going to throw more Blame logs on the Blame fire because there is talk of a Les Grossman movie.
Remember that [...]
What if Megan Fox isn’t a total idiot?
By Rachel Krueger
Megan Fox is the worst, right? I mean, girl can’t act her way out of a paper bag. Also, she hasn’t yet figured out if she wants to be sexy and inscrutable, a la Angelina Jolie, or farty and fun — like Jonah Hill, but with boobs — and all this confusion makes [...]
Daniel Day-Lewis: Cure for Hollywood’s llls
By Rachel Krueger
If last year’s film version of the musical Nine is at all true to life (and I hope that it is, as there are gratuitous tambourines) then Daniel Day-Lewis gets all the ladies. And apparently he is good for what ails you.
Exhibit A: Nicole Kidman. The frozen-faced starlet has wandered vaguely about town [...]
Sandra Bullock, my new BFF
By Rachel Krueger
Sandy B clearly expected to walk home with a shiny gold man on Sunday, rocking a metallic Oscary dress and buffing her hair to a high Oscary sheen, and it comes as no surprise to the guess-makers and sayers-of-things-about-movies that she made good on her nom for Best Actress. But as honorable a [...]
If we stand on the shoulders of the dead, we can make millions!
By Rachel Krueger
If 2009 was The Year When All Those Famous People Died, 2010 is shaping up to be The Year of Chronic Grave-Robbing (where the “grave” is metaphorical and the “robbing” is more like “exploiting”).
Mind-bogglingly unsubtle fame-whore and living manga doll Tila Tequila (who is famous solely for throwing herself repeatedly and frantically into [...]
James Cameron: 2, You: 0
By Rachel Krueger
This will come as a surprise to exactly no one, but Avatar is hella awesome. I know! Breaking news, right? But despite its fancy director and budget and cast (Sigourney! Weaver!), Avatar is actually something of an underdog.
I mean, think of ALL THE THINGS about it that are stupid! It’s essentially Dances with [...]
Go wild
By Rachel Krueger
An interview with my Current-Self re: Where the Wild Things Are (the film), conducted by my Previous-Self (who had not yet seen it).
Previous-Self: I am nervous about this movie. I carry my generation’s obligatory love of the book, and the trailer looks terrible. Speak to my nervousness!
Current-Self: Calm [...]
Joaquin a fine line
Remember when Joaquin Phoenix played Emperor Commodus and made being power-mad kind of sexy? Remember when Joaquin Phoenix played Johnny Cash and made being tormented and hopeless kind of sexy? Remember when Joaquin Phoenix stopped showering and made unwashed vagrancy the world’s most uninteresting controversy?
Since his shock-seeking announcement last October that Phoenix is [...]
Disney’s tragic kingdom
The Disney corporation is a piss-poor parent. While it may be responsible for some of the finest keep-your-kids-busy-for-an-hour films ever made, it has done a reprehensible job of raising up its own young stars. If any real-life parents had Disney’s track record, social services would be on their asses before you could holler [...]
Twilight’s neurotic teens
Can we take a second to talk about the newest lit-to-film fad corrupting our children? Enough with the darling wizards in plaid robes; we’re talking about vampires now. Sexy, sexy vampires.
If you haven’t heard about Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight saga by now, you obviously have no daughters/wives/friends. The story of Bella Swan, a [...]
