Canada's online magazine: Politics, entertainment, technology, media, arts, books: backofthebook.ca

Politics, tech, media, culture and more, from a Canadian point-of-view

  • Politics
  • Media
  • Culture
  • Science and Tech
  • Living
  • Arts and Books
  • Features
  • The Video
You are here: Home / Modest Opinion / A Modest Opinion — I Demand to See Nate Silver’s Birth Certificate

A Modest Opinion — I Demand to See Nate Silver’s Birth Certificate

11/21/2012 by backofthebook.ca Leave a Comment

Nate Silver against a math backdrop

Illustration: http://policymic

By Nathaniel Moher

Listen, I never thought I would be agreeing with Donald Trump about anything (except for picking Arsenio Hall as the winner of “Celebrity Apprentice” – because that dude worked his ass off . . . at convincing people he was still a celebrity). I mean, when Trump started demanding that President Obama reveal his birth certificate, I thought, “What’s the big deal if your leader wasn’t born in your country?” Harps wasn’t born in Canada, he was built in a robotics factory in China, and we don’t seem to mind.

But ever since Nate Silver predicted the 2012 presidential election with about 98% accuracy, I’m demanding to see his birth certificate, because I believe he’s from the future.

Silver runs the New York Times political blog FiveThirtyEight, and claims to use math and statistics to determine the outcome of elections. However, I’m calling BS on that, and saying that the only way Nate Silver could be as good as he is, is if he’s from the future.

Now, you might think that this theory is crazy, but let me put it this way. In Back to the Future II, Biff travels back to 1955 from the year 2015 with a book of sports history, and proceeds to use it to place bets, becoming the richest man in the world. I believe that Nate Silver is doing exactly what Biff did, only with politics – and not to become the richest man in the world, but to make his blog super popular (listen, it’s a MySpace generation, kids are all about their blogs and their twitters and their tamagotchis).

Not only has Silver correctly predicted the last two elections, but he’s also predicted the outcome of things like baseball games. Kind of like, oh I don’t know, Biff from Back to the Future II.

Listen, I’m not trying to claim that time travel exists; I’m just saying if you look at the facts about Nate Silver, the only explanation is that he is obviously a time traveller.

Now Nate, I don’t have the money to offer this myself, but I assume I can speak for Trump  – who is a staunch supporter of demanding people reveal their birth certificates for silly reasons – and say that he will donate $5 million of his own money to a charity of your choosing if you provide your birth certificate to us. It’s quite simple: just show us your original birth certificate proving you were born before the year 2013, and Trump will donate $5 million to whatever charity you want  . . . I promise.

However, if the charity ends up being the “Doc Brown Flux Capacitor Fund for the Inevitable Invention of Time Travel,” I don’t think there will be any need for you to provide your birth certificate to us. Trump and I will know you’re from the future, thereby invalidating any predictions you’ve ever made, and I guess giving the election to Romney.

Because that’s how this whole birth certificate thing works, right? — revealing one’s birth certificate leads to Romney becoming President, right? At least that’s what Donald’s led me to believe.

By the way, in the name of full disclosure, I should let you know that I’m currently writing this in Washington State . . . high as a kite! So high that I may go get gay-married.  Just because I can. Thank you, Obama!

Nathaniel Moher is a television writer living in Vancouver. This column first appeared in The Flying Shingle.

Filed Under: Modest Opinion

Subscribe to BoB by e-mail or RSS

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Google+
  • Living
  • Politics
  • Media
  • Culture
  • Arts and Books
  • Features
  • The Video
Fire sale sign

Fort McMurray: Shopping time!

By Brady Tighe We’re now officially in the aftermath phase of the northern Alberta wildfire crisis. The fire is long gone, and everyone with a home to return to is back in its … [Read More...]

Nathan Cullen

Electoral reform: Hashtag fresh thinking

By Alison@Creekside The most interesting and innovative idea to come out of the first meeting of the all-party Special Committee on Electoral Reform, or ERRE, was Nathan Cullen's suggestion, … [Read More...]

Trudeau on quantum computing

The Trudeau gush fest is getting old

By Jim Henshaw There have been several bewildered as well as angry accounts coming out of the USA lately about how little media time has been spent covering the Democratic Presidential Primary … [Read More...]

Rick Meyers in Nanaimo Pride Parade

My friend, Rick, at the Pride Parade

By Frank Moher On this dreadful day, I don't want to write about the shootings in Orlando. I want to write about my friend, Rick. Rick lives just outside of Nanaimo, a city of about 80,000, … [Read More...]

Stephen Colbert on Late Night set

Triumph of the drama nerds

By Frank Moher Two drama nerds have recently moved into high profile positions. Before I name them (or perhaps you’ve already guessed who they are; or perhaps you’d like to scroll down and look at … [Read More...]

From “Our Rape Blog”: Shooting the Moon

Originally published on Our Rape Blog, the author's account of the aftermath of a violent sexual assault. By Mary Fraughton Have you ever played Hearts? It’s a card game. For our purposes, … [Read More...]

First Nations defending Lelu Island

The video: Lelu Island: “They will come.”

From Creekside: The B.C. provincial government is trying to green light the construction of a massive LNG terminal on Lelu Island in the Skeena Estuary -- Pacific Northwest LNG, backed by Malaysian … [Read More...]

Google

Follow Us!

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter

RSS CBC News



Recent Posts

  • Fort McMurray: Shopping time!
  • From “Our Rape Blog”: Shooting the Moon
  • Electoral reform: Hashtag fresh thinking
  • The fish hotel
  • Hatred on an Alberta golf course
  • The video: Lelu Island: “They will come.”
  • My friend, Rick, at the Pride Parade
  • Our selective sympathy
  • The Water Bomber, The Frogman and The Great Canadian Novelist
  • Komagata Maru: The story behind the apology

Tags

9/11 Afghanistan Alberta bad behaviour books British Columbia business Canada Canadian military Canadian politics CBC celebrity computers Conservatives crime environment family film G20 Globe and Mail internet Jason Kenney journalism Justin Trudeau law Liberals Maclean's music National Post NDP newspapers oil sands online media Ontario Quebec RCMP religion sports Stephen Harper television theatre Toronto U.S. Vancouver women

Archives

The Video: Lelu Island: “They will come.”

Pages

  • About
  • Privacy

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in