Canada's online magazine: Politics, entertainment, technology, media, arts, books: backofthebook.ca

Politics, tech, media, culture and more, from a Canadian point-of-view

  • Politics
  • Media
  • Culture
  • Science and Tech
  • Living
  • Arts and Books
  • Features
  • The Video
You are here: Home / Modest Opinion / A Modest Opinion – Celebrating 100 articles of being right 100% of the time

A Modest Opinion – Celebrating 100 articles of being right 100% of the time

10/01/2013 by backofthebook.ca Leave a Comment

100By Nathaniel Moher

Dear loyal readers, I’m sure most of you would like to thank me for all one hundred of the articles I’ve written over the last four years, and so you should. Assuming you just did, I’d like to say, “You’re welcome!”

One hundred articles ago, if you had asked me if I’d make it to one hundred articles, I would have said, “Yes. Of course I will.  Because I don’t give up on things. Except on you. I’ve given up on you ever having a clue. Now get out of my face!” And it turns out I would have been right . . . like I always am!

So, in a celebration of me, backofthebook.ca decided to reach out to some of my favourite news subjects, to get quotes about me!

Queen Elizabeth II: “Chip, chip, cheerio. Congratulations to my royal subject, Nathaniel Moher, who . . . wait! What? He’s Canadian? So none of his tax dollars go to supporting this lifestyle to which my family and I have become accustomed? Doesn’t he know we have a new mouth to feed? Well, tell him to go f**k himself. Now, bring me another peasant to kick!  And then tell Charles he can finally be King . . . haha, just kidding . . . tell Charles he can go f**k himself too!”

Stephen “Harps” Harper: “Beep. Beep. Boop. When I was asked to comment on the one hundredth A Modest Opinion, my internal emotions chip informed me that I was moved and honoured to do so. Nathaniel is our generation’s . . . error . . . error . . . corrupt memory file . . . and I wish him the best of luck in the future . . . which he will need once the robot overlords have taken over and begin to feed on human flesh.

President Obama: “Who? Nathaniel Moher? Sure, whatever, kill him with a drone.”

Justin Trudeau: “Oooh, man! I love getting high and reading Natty’s article . . . and then eating onion rings . . . and Cheetos . . . and a pint of cookie-dough ice cream . . . and . . . and! . . . oh, man . . . what was I talking about? . . . Weed, right? Heh, I LOVE WEED!”

PRISM: “Dear Nathaniel, please respond to your mother’s email.  She worries about you.”

Jim Beam Spokesperson: “We applaud Nathaniel on reaching his one hundredth article. And thank him, because his consumption of Jim Beam while working on all one hundred of those articles has help keep us in business for the last four years. Here’s to one hundred more . . . and thousands of more bottles of Jim Beam consumed. Please drink responsibly.”

Natty’s Ex-Girlfriend: “Seriously? I’ve told you guys time and time before, I do not want to talk about Natty. I can’t believe he’s still doing this shit! NATTY! I. DO. NOT. LOVE. YOU. ANYMORE! Get over it!”

Natty’s Dad: “Who?”

Abraham Lincoln: “This letter will make sense to none of you, but seven score and eight years from now, Nathaniel Moher will have written his one hundredth A Modest Opinion, and on that occasion I, Abraham Lincoln, would like to be the first to congratulate him. And if he puts me at the end of his article, well, he can go f**k himself!”

And there you have it, just a few of the many nice things famous people had to say about me. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. In fact, I’ve decided that backofthebook.ca should run my article 50 times a week, so every other week we can get some nice comments about me.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go celebrate with a tall, cold glass of Jim Beam!

[Editors Note: backofthebook.ca could not confirm that any of these statements are true or correct — except for the one from Natty’s Ex-Girlfriend, whose lawyer confirmed those were in fact her words. And then told us to go f**k ourselves.]

Nathaniel Moher is a television writer living in Vancouver. This column first appeared in The Flying Shingle.

Filed Under: Modest Opinion Tagged With: Barack Obama, Justin Trudeau, PRISM, Queen Elizabeth, Stephen Harper

Subscribe to BoB by e-mail or RSS

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Google+
  • Living
  • Politics
  • Media
  • Culture
  • Arts and Books
  • Features
  • The Video
Fire sale sign

Fort McMurray: Shopping time!

By Brady Tighe We’re now officially in the aftermath phase of the northern Alberta wildfire crisis. The fire is long gone, and everyone with a home to return to is back in its … [Read More...]

Nathan Cullen

Electoral reform: Hashtag fresh thinking

By Alison@Creekside The most interesting and innovative idea to come out of the first meeting of the all-party Special Committee on Electoral Reform, or ERRE, was Nathan Cullen's suggestion, … [Read More...]

Trudeau on quantum computing

The Trudeau gush fest is getting old

By Jim Henshaw There have been several bewildered as well as angry accounts coming out of the USA lately about how little media time has been spent covering the Democratic Presidential Primary … [Read More...]

Rick Meyers in Nanaimo Pride Parade

My friend, Rick, at the Pride Parade

By Frank Moher On this dreadful day, I don't want to write about the shootings in Orlando. I want to write about my friend, Rick. Rick lives just outside of Nanaimo, a city of about 80,000, … [Read More...]

Stephen Colbert on Late Night set

Triumph of the drama nerds

By Frank Moher Two drama nerds have recently moved into high profile positions. Before I name them (or perhaps you’ve already guessed who they are; or perhaps you’d like to scroll down and look at … [Read More...]

From “Our Rape Blog”: Shooting the Moon

Originally published on Our Rape Blog, the author's account of the aftermath of a violent sexual assault. By Mary Fraughton Have you ever played Hearts? It’s a card game. For our purposes, … [Read More...]

First Nations defending Lelu Island

The video: Lelu Island: “They will come.”

From Creekside: The B.C. provincial government is trying to green light the construction of a massive LNG terminal on Lelu Island in the Skeena Estuary -- Pacific Northwest LNG, backed by Malaysian … [Read More...]

Google

Follow Us!

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • RSS
  • Twitter

RSS CBC News



Recent Posts

  • Fort McMurray: Shopping time!
  • From “Our Rape Blog”: Shooting the Moon
  • Electoral reform: Hashtag fresh thinking
  • The fish hotel
  • Hatred on an Alberta golf course
  • The video: Lelu Island: “They will come.”
  • My friend, Rick, at the Pride Parade
  • Our selective sympathy
  • The Water Bomber, The Frogman and The Great Canadian Novelist
  • Komagata Maru: The story behind the apology

Tags

9/11 Afghanistan Alberta bad behaviour books British Columbia business Canada Canadian military Canadian politics CBC celebrity computers Conservatives crime environment family film G20 Globe and Mail internet Jason Kenney journalism Justin Trudeau law Liberals Maclean's music National Post NDP newspapers oil sands online media Ontario Quebec RCMP religion sports Stephen Harper television theatre Toronto U.S. Vancouver women

Archives

The Video: Lelu Island: “They will come.”

Pages

  • About
  • Privacy

Copyright © 2021 · News Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in