By Nathaniel Moher
We’ve done it Canada! Sure, America has just entered the second term of their first black President, but we Canadians just elected our first female Premier!
The future is now and the future is equality! I can’t believe it’s taken this long!
For ages now people have been saying that women can’t – [Editor’s Note: Uh, Natty, Canada didn’t just elect their first female Premier.] [Journalist’s Note: Oh, jeez. That’s embarrassing. You mean she lost? Shame on us.] [Editor’s Note: No, Natty, Kathleen Wynne won her election, she’s just not the first woman Premier. I think what you mean is she’s our first openly gay Premier.] [Journalist’s Note: Oh. Stockwell Day is not going to like that.]
Well, Canada. I guess I was a little off. But still, congrats on electing your first female Premier . . . even if it was back in 1991. That was progress . . . and only took us 100 years or so to do. So, yay us (even if it could have been sooner)!
But, now we’ve elected an openly gay women as Premier! We did that!
The future is now and the future is equality!
Congrats to everyone in Ontario for being so progressive (and everyone in Toronto, this kind of makes up for you guys electing that Rob Ford guy). You all came out in droves to vote for, and elect, the first openly gay Premier. No one can take that away from you. [Editor’s Note: Well, actually, Natty, she’s the Premier-designate.] [Journalist’s Note: That’s right Chris, she has a different sexual designation than you do. No need to point that out.] [Editor’s Note: No, I mean she’s Premier of Ontario because she replaced the outgoing Premier.] [Journalist’s Note: So, everyone in Ontario didn’t vote for her?] [Editor’s Note: No.] [Journalist’s Note: She was just given the job?] [Editor’s Note: Yes.] [Journalist’s Note: Oh.]
Well, still, congrats to us for being cool enough to have an openly gay person in politics (even if you guys didn’t vote for her — I mean, at least you haven’t voted her out), and not making an issue out of it. I mean, I bet we’ve still got America beat there . . . right?
[Editor’s Note: Well, last November, Wisconsin elected Tammy Baldwin, the first openly gay woman in the Senate.]
Oh, come on guys! America beat us to this as well. We’re supposed to be the liberal country! First they beat us and elect the first black President, and then they beat us and elect the first openly gay senator. And they have states that have legalised marijuana! It’s like we’re not even trying any more, guys!
All right, that’s it. This is a call to action everyone! Having Harps lead the Harper Government needs to end (admittedly, we’ll probably want to change the name of our government back to the Government of Canada once he’s out). This guy is messing with our liberal mojo. We’re supposed to be the fun-loving, pot-smoking hippies who elect openly gay women and black men to be our representatives – not the USA.
Remember when we elected Kim Campbell to be our Prime Minister? Those were the days. [Editor’s Note: Actually, Natty, she was a Prime Minister-designate … ] [Journalist’s Note: Oh, screw off!]
This is my call to action: Before 2016, when Hillary becomes President of the United States of America, we need to kick Stephen Harper to the curb and elect a non-white dude . . . preferably openly transgendered or at least bi-curious . . . to be the leader of our country. We need to take action!
Or, barring that, I guess at least have someone appoint a non-white, bi-curious, transgendered dude leader of our country for us – then at least we can take credit.
Nathaniel Moher is a television writer living in Vancouver. This column first appeared in The Flying Shingle.
