By Nathaniel Moher
Quick, who is the greatest Prime Minister of Canada?!
If you voted for Kim Clark, you’re obviously . . . Kim Clark. The answer, of course, is His Royal Robotness, the great Mr. Harps (if only because, if he wasn’t the greatest Prime Minister ever, why would we re-elect him after he was the only Prime Minister ever to be held in contempt of parliament?). But the Liberals are hoping that at least a few of you consider Pierre Trudeau the greatest Prime Minister of all time, and in turn would vote for his son, Justin Trudeau, to be the next Prime Minister of Canada. (They’re also hoping you remember they’re still a political party.)
That’s right, with J.T. (that’s what the kids call Justin Trudeau . . . or at least that’s who I assume they’re talking about when they talk about J.T. and how he brought “sexy back”), the Liberals are hoping to pull a George W. Bush. Or, as I like to call it, a “don’t worry if they’re capable of running a country, their dad already did it, and people can do everything their dads did . . . just ask Tom Hanks’ son ‘Chet’ Hanks.”
And, I think it’s a good tactic. We Canadians like things that seem familiar. I can see it now, everyone will be like: “Trudeau, eh? I think I’ve heard that name before. Sure, let’s vote for him. But, first, I need to take my memory medicine . . . where’s my prune juice to wash it down?” It’s the smartest move a Canadian political party has ever made.
But what the Liberals need to worry about now is the other parties getting in on the action. What if the Conservatives and the NDP pull out their kids of political prominence?
Sure, J.T. is well known for his role portraying Talbot Mercer Papineau in the CBC’s “The Great War,” but that’s going to mean nothing if the Conservatives pull out their prodigal son, Ben “I Host Canadian Idol and Every Other Show On Canadian Television” Mulroney. The Conservatives already have the greatest Prime Minister of all time, Harps, but Ben “I’m the Canadian Version of Ryan Seacrest” Mulroney is super-famous (well, the Canadian version of super famous . . . so, like, he owns his car, he doesn’t lease it). If they pull him out, they’d be unstoppable.
Well, nearly unstoppable, as long as the NDP doesn’t pull out the biggest gun of all. Sure, the Liberals have J.T. And, yeah, the Conservatives have Ben “It’s a Prius, Bitches” Mulroney. But the NDP have the mother of all prodigal sons (or, rather, prodigal grandsons), Keifer Sutherland. That’s right, Keifer, or “I Save the World Every 24 Hours, Sutherland” is the grandson of the grandfather of the NDP, Tommy Douglas (who is also the grandfather of Keifer Sutherland).
The Liberals and the Conservatives might as well just give up the race right now.
I realize J.T. actually has some experience in politics as an MP. And, yeah, Ben “I Wake Up and My Hair Just Looks This Good” Mulroney actually was born and lives here. But Keifer used to kick ass on American TV for more seasons than most Canadian shows get, and, unfortunately for those other guys, no combination of political experience or birthright can compete with being a super-famous American actor; just ask whoever ran against Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Nathaniel Moher is a television writer living in Vancouver. This column first appeared in The Flying Shingle.
