By Rachel Krueger
If 2009 was The Year When All Those Famous People Died, 2010 is shaping up to be The Year of Chronic Grave-Robbing (where the “grave” is metaphorical and the “robbing” is more like “exploiting”).
Mind-bogglingly unsubtle fame-whore and living manga doll Tila Tequila (who is famous solely for throwing herself repeatedly and frantically into the public eye) made no secret of her epic grief when her fiancee Casey Johnson passed away in January, which was Actually Really Sad. However, Tila didn’t allow her overwhelming sorrow to halt her manic twittering, mud-slinging, and spotlight-hogging, and now that the buzz has died down she is poking the hornet’s nest once more by crying “Fetus!”
And I’m no one to throw sunshine at someone else’s grief parade, but now Tequila is all, This baby, that I am totally not lying about brewing currently (even though I have in the past lied about just such a thing, and with far less reason), this baby was supposed to be my baby with Casey, who I know I only knew for like, three weeks, but who I TOTALLY LOVED, and was totally sad about . . . and also still am. *smiles to camera, slips nip* Also, I will totally not tell you who the father is, but it is someone “known” and in the “Entertainment Industry” and I will continue to drop hints until your attention wanes, at which point I will probably just tell you.
And while I want to feel for La Tequila and her (probably non-existent) child, when I hear things like this (admittedly paraphrased) monologue, any kernel of sympathy I may have had dries up into . . . something that is drier than a kernel, anyways. Coal?
Tila can perhaps be forgiven, since she is only being exactly what the industry has rewarded her for being. Closer on the spectrum to Actual Doucheyness is Brittany Murphy’s husband, Simon Monjack. Monjack is suing Warner Brothers for dropping his wife from the film Happy Feet, claiming that losing the gig is what caused Murphy’s heart attack in December (not, you know, drugs, or being really really skinny) and suing WB for wrongful death. Because they should have known this would do her in? Because they are responsible for her health and well-being?
Leaving aside the fact that Murphy’s death (like Johnson’s) was Actually Really Sad, as well as the fact that Murphy had not yet signed a contract for the cartoon and could therefore not technically be fired, this is pure crazy talk. Hollywood can no more be responsible for the fate of the stars it chooses not to employ than I can be for the fate of all the cheeseburgers I choose not to eat. This completely non-sense-making law suit is either a grief-crazed man lashing out, or a thinly-disguised money grab.
Either way, it has to stop. It is one (admittedly despicable) thing for ambulance chasers and paparazzi to use public tragedy for their own ends. They, at least, are up front about their motivation. It is another thing entirely for loved ones of the Famous Dead to cash in on their affection. Their grief is understandable; their shameless self-serving is reprehensible.
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