“The time has come,” the Oliphant said,
“To talk of many things:
Of envelopes stuffed with wads of cash
And if they came with strings —
Perhaps you only beat the rap
Because the pigs were schwings*.”
“But wait a bit,” the Muldoon cried,
“Before we have our chat;
I have complaints to make,” he said,
“Regarding Steve the Fat.”
“No Hurry,” said the Oliphant,
“There’s always time for that…
“But was that ‘pasta’ money used
To give Joe Clark the axe?
Is turning noodles into LAVs
A job for party hacks?
Did you stash that $300,000
To avoid a fulsome tax?”
“O weep for me,” the Muldoon said:
“For all of it is lies.”
With sobs and tears he socked away
His two million dollar prize,
And held his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
* “After years of investigating Mulroney, the RCMP never found out about his job with Schreiber or the now infamous cash payments. However, the Mounties did chauffeur Mulroney to the hotel at Mirabel Airport where he picked up the first batch of thousand dollar bills.”
Additionally the Canadian public had to fork over $2.1-mil to stem the flood of tears.