Top 10 web searches of 2008

By Frank Moher

We’re a bit sniffy about top 10 lists at backofthebook.ca, for the reasons outlined here, but we’re very big on checking our web stats. Or at least I am, in my capacity as publisher/editor/chief lackey. Now you may suppose web stats — that is, the numbers showing how many visitors a site has, how many pages they view, etc. — are about as exciting as Stephen Harper’s hair. And you would be right. However, hidden amongst them is the search term the visitor used that happened to bring him to our little roost on the internet (if he didn’t come here directly). And those can be very, very . . . well . . . odd.

Sometimes, of course, they simply represent what’s in the air at that moment — for example, this search from last year:

“barbara amiel plastic surgery”

Frankly, looking at her, we wouldn’t mind knowing who her doctor is ourselves. Sometimes they are enigmatic:

“naked dream men”

Is the searcher looking for naked men who are dreamy? Did he or she have a dream about naked men and now wants to know what it means? And how disappointed were they when they ended up here?

Sometimes they are plaintive:

“i am pregnant and my husband is not sure how we are going to afford it”

“i’m not sure where my marriage is going”

Or desperate:

“someone save me”

I know the feeling. Others seem to evince an unusual, nay unhealthy interest in yours truly:

“moher scolding child”

Excuse me?

Or:

“sexy moher movies”

Now that’s more like it. I fear, however, that “moher” is just a misspelling of “mother”. Nevertheless, I’ll be glad to send you some sexy moher movies for just $19.95 plus S&H.;

And so it is with great lack of discretion and total betrayal of our vistors’ misplaced trust that we share our “Top 10 Web Searches of 2008.” All real, all taken directly from our web logs, and all proving that people have no idea, when they type something into google, that someone somewhere might actually end up reading it.

#10: “stephan dion dumbass”

#9: “belinda stronach dirty slut”

#8: “prick jack layton”
(It’s nice to see we attract a broad range of frenzied ideologues.)

#7: “where to get a blow job calgary”

#6: “Mrs. Trudeau without panties”
(We like that decorous “Mrs.” part.)

#5: A collective entry. We like to think of this as the “Jian Ghomeshi Suite”.
“is jian ghomeshi gay”
“jian ghomeshi gay”
“is jian ghomeshi married”
“jiam ghomeshi married”
“jian ghomeshi wife”
“jian ghomeshi sex”

#4 (We have no idea what to make of this one): “prime minister child threw grain at him stop kick butt brian mulroney”

#3: “did quebec ever move”

#2: “CANADIANS STOP WHINING ABOUT WHAT THE AMERICANS HAVE”

And the number 1 top web search of 2008:

“game show human tetris fat woman holy crap”