Thankyou, Maclean’s Man. Thankyou.

See Jonathon Gatehouse fly. See Jonathon Gatehouse soar. Jonathon Gatehouse soars over the firmament, landing only when he or his editors at Maclean’s decide he is needed. He is — MACLEAN’S MAN.

Damascus, Minneapolis, Montreal, Tel Aviv, Winnipeg. Jonathon Gatehouse circles the globe and, when duty calls, dons his parachute and jumps. Parachute journalism is his specialty. For he is — MACLEAN’S MAN.

Maclean’s Man recently parachuted into Regina. He spent quite a few days there and became an expert. Not that it was easy for him. He was shocked — shocked! — that Regina’s poor people are not like the poor people back in Gotham. Poor Maclean’s Man.

But he adjusted. Soon he was able to see with even more X-ray vision than usual. Maclean’s Man saw that Regina’s inner city was bad. Very bad. “There are no massive housing projects here, just tiny 1920s-vintage workers’ cottages on tree-lined streets,” he wrote. “Some are well-maintained, others barely qualify as shacks.” That was his first clue. This wasn’t like Gotham — not like Gotham at all. Something needed to be done!

So he wrote some more. “It’s easy to believe,” he wrote, “that this is the worst neighbourhood in Canada.” Maclean’s Man had a hunch and nothing was going to stop him from seeing it through. Not even (dramatic chord) The Mayor. “I don’t think our crime problem is bigger than anyone else’s in Canada,” said The Mayor. But then he would say that: he’s (dramatic chord) The Mayor. The Mayor also told him “Regina is grappling with many of the same challenges other Western centres are.” Lousy Mayor. It’s almost as if he thinks he knows more about Regina, and western Canada, than — MACLEAN’S MAN.

Of course, it’s true that Maclean’s Man has not spent a lot of time in Edmonton or Calgary or Saskatoon or Brandon or Lethbridge. On, say, Edmonton’s 97th Street, or the east side of downtown Calgary. But hey, Maclean’s Man can’t save everybody.

When Maclean’s Man was done, he flew back to Gotham for a rest. He was well-pleased with himself. “Sometimes it takes someone from outside to focus peoples’ attention on a problem that’s right on front of them,” he told CBC Saskatoon. “And if we’ve done that, we’ve done a good job.” Of course, not everyone was well-pleased. “We’re not scum, we’re very proud people,” wrote one resident of the neighbourhood. “One side of the coin,” said the president of the community association. Jonathon Gatehouse was puzzled. Didn’t these people realize that when he parachuted into their city, it was for their own good? After all, he is — MACLEAN’S MAN.

Thankyou, Maclean’s Man. Thankyou.