By Rachel Krueger
Attention, gentlemen of the world: a picture of your dong is not a dozen roses. It is not a fun evening out, or even a quick back rub. It is not, in short, something the object of your admiration is going to be delighted to receive.
When rumors of Brett Favre ‘allegedly’ sending photos of his goal post and Favre-beans to a reporter (!) surfaced last August, I thought it was just an idiotic one-off. These are the deeds of college frat boys, not grandchild-having footballatiers. But Kanye West (Paragon of Reason and General Maker-Of-Good-Decisions) has done the Favre one better. Many better. The actual amount of better remains unclear.
Because West sent photos if his Li’l Kanye to, quote, a number of women. Which, if we’re being honest, is probably the better approach in terms of finding at least one who isn’t all *checks phone, puzzled face, startled dry heave* But in terms of keeping your amateur pr0n filed under ‘alleged,’ sharing the love fairly effectively sinks that boat. As does penning the lyrics ‘I sent this girl a picture of my d*ck/ I don’t know what it is with females.’
Those words ain’t lies. Especially the bit about not knowing what it is with females. Sending ladies pictures of your junk is like me offering you sardines because I like sardines. Besides a woeful lack of discretion, forethought, and taste, these actions are seriously devoid of empathy.
Get it together, guys. Find out what your lady (or number of ladies [or dudes, whatever]) likes and send her that. I guarantee it will not be snapshots of your undercarriage.